Why Confidence Falters — and Why It's Nothing to Be Ashamed Of

Almost every rider has a wobble at some point. A fall, a spooky horse, a long break from riding, or simply the pressures of running a smallholding can all chip away at the easy confidence you once had. On a rural yard, where you might ride alone across open fields with no arena fence in sight, that unease can feel magnified.

The good news is that confidence is a skill, not a fixed personality trait. It is built in small, repeatable layers — much like breaking a youngster or training a dog. The trick is to stop chasing the feeling of being brave and start collecting evidence that you are safe and capable.

Go Back to Groundwork

Groundwork is the most underrated confidence tool available to any rider. It costs nothing, requires no saddle, and lets you rebuild your relationship with your horse without the pressure of being on board.

Start with simple, low-pressure tasks that you can do in a small paddock or on the yard:

• Leading in hand at walk and halt, asking for a soft stop and a relaxed stand.
• Grooming slowly, working from the shoulder backwards, noticing your own breathing as you go.
• Moving the hindquarters and forehand away from light pressure — this teaches you that you can influence your horse's feet, which is the foundation of all riding.
• Desensitising to a plastic bag, a length of hose or a flapping coat, always staying calm and releasing the pressure the moment your horse relaxes.

Ten focused minutes of groundwork before you ride can transform the whole session. You will both be more settled, and you will have reminded yourself that you are the one setting the pace.

Use Your Breath as a Brake

Nerves live in the body. When you are anxious, your breathing becomes shallow and fast, your shoulders rise, and your legs grip. Horses read this instantly — they are prey animals, wired to notice tension in the herd.

Learning to control your breath is one of the fastest ways to change how you feel in the saddle:

• Box breathing: inhale for four counts, hold for four, exhale for four, hold for four. Repeat five times before you mount.
• Longer exhales: breathe in through the nose for four, out through the mouth for six or eight. A long exhale signals safety to your nervous system.
• Humming: a quiet hum on the exhale keeps the breath slow and gives your mind something to focus on. Horses often relax when they hear it.

Practise these techniques on the ground first, so they feel automatic when you need them. A single deep breath before you ask for trot can be the difference between a tense, rushed transition and a calm one.

Set Goals You Can Actually Achieve

Big, vague ambitions — "I want to hack out alone again" — are the enemy of confidence. They are too far away to give you any sense of achievement. Instead, break your riding down into goals so small that success is almost guaranteed.

For example, rather than aiming to complete a full circuit of the field, aim to mount, walk ten steps, halt, and dismount. Do that three times. Next session, walk twenty steps. Then add one lap of the school. Each success is a deposit in your confidence bank, and over a few weeks those deposits add up.

Keep a note of your mini-goals somewhere visible — a chalkboard in the feed room works beautifully. Ticking them off gives you tangible proof of progress on the days when you feel stuck.

Surround Yourself with the Right Support

Confidence is easier to build with the right people around you. A patient instructor who understands nerves is worth their weight in gold — someone who will let you repeat the same exercise as many times as you need, and who never makes you feel silly for asking to go back to walk.

If you are riding on a smallholding, consider:

• Riding with a calm companion horse or a trusted friend on foot for company.
• Choosing familiar routes and sticking to them until they feel boring.
• Keeping a short written log of what went well after each session — three bullet points is enough.
• Making sure your tack fits properly and your hat, body protector and boots are comfortable and up to standard. Kit that pinches or slips undermines confidence before you even get on.

It also helps to have a plan for the what-ifs. Knowing that you can always get off, lead your horse home, or end the session early removes the trapped feeling that fuels panic. Give yourself permission to stop at any point — paradoxically, this usually makes you more willing to continue.

Progress Is Not a Straight Line

Some days will feel brilliant; others will feel like a step backwards. That is normal, and it does not mean you have lost ground. Fatigue, weather, hormones, a horse that is fresh on spring grass — all of these affect how a session goes.

Judge your progress over weeks rather than single rides. Look at what you can do now that you could not do a month ago: perhaps you tack up without a knot in your stomach, or you trot a whole circuit without holding your breath. Those are real achievements, and they deserve to be noticed.

Above all, remember why you keep horses. The quiet of an early morning yard, the smell of hay and leather, the simple pleasure of a horse that nickers when it sees you — these things matter more than any competition or milestone. Confidence grows fastest when riding feels like something you choose to do, not something you have to prove.